Conception

Things you wish you knew before you started looking for a baby

You have found the right man, work is booming and you feel ready to search for a child.

Well, not to appease enthusiasm, but it’s not all as simple as it might seem at first sight.

It’s wonderful when you make the decision to have a baby together but often you are not prepared for what could be a long and emotionally difficult road.

And most of the women we asked about their experience agree on this by answering the question

What would you like to know before starting the search for a child?

Many agree in saying that they would have liked to know that between saying and doing…the usual sea is involved.

The child rarely arrives the first month of trying, indeed!

Many women, probably because they spend many years actively avoiding pregnancy, are shocked to learn that in their 30s a healthy woman has only about a 20% chance of getting pregnant per menstrual cycle with targeted intercourse.

That’s a 1 in 5 chance. This means that out of 100 women who try to conceive during one cycle, 80 of these women will still be struggling with the attempt the following month while only 20 will make it.

If you think about it, it’s not much and it justifies what we keep repeating here too on this site: it is normal to take an average of 4-5 months of targeted attempts to be able to catch the stork.

These data also do not take into account the 12% of women of reproductive age who have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term due to fertility problems.

As you can understand, therefore, the transition from the decision to the pregnancy in progress is not as simple and immediate as one is often led to think.

Random try?

A mother tells us that she would have preferred to know first how to behave in research and not follow those who told her to try without thinking about it, to be less stressed.

In fact, random attempts are not always useful unless you have at least 3 intercourses a week, which allows you to have more chances of “casually” approaching ovulation.

But randomness doesn’t help you know your body . Self-knowledge, of one’s menstrual cycle, makes one more aware of one’s fertility by placating anxieties and doubts.

No one told me miscarriages were so frequent and common

When you start the quest and get prompted for the first time you feel invincible and over the moon. But this sense of euphoria may not last long due to miscarriages that are frequent even among young women.

The awareness that they can happen certainly doesn’t ease the pain you feel when they happen, but going to a visit with the certainty that everything is fine because it can’t be otherwise, can be upsetting when the pregnancy is ending naturally.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be happy about the pregnancy, however knowing that miscarriages are events that can happen allows you to remain somewhat grounded at least in the first few weeks when their incidence is higher.

Learn about cycles before trying

Many women who have just stopped the pill mistakenly think that they will be able to get pregnant immediately, the following month, because they have heard that it is easier after stopping the pill.

However, the opposite often happens, especially if the pill has been taken for a long time: the cycles are irregular, one ovulates occasionally until the body finds its natural rhythm.

It can take several months for this to happen.

Do your gynecological checkups and in the meantime try to observe your body perhaps helping yourself to mark the symptoms you notice in a calendar.

The pill masks PCOS problems

Many women take the pill for irregular periods from a young age without having received any other explanations about it. The moment they stop taking her to look for a baby, they start to see periods from time to time because they ovulate sporadically. In many cases this is due to polycystic ovary syndrome which must be diagnosed by hormonal tests and ovarian ultrasound. Currently there are pharmacological treatments (see metformin, inositol , etc.) that manage to improve the symptoms and therefore to get pregnant in a fairly short time. The sooner you go back to your problem, the less time you waste in vain attempts,

Beware of lubricants

Many lubricants on the market are also spermicides and do not promote sperm motility. Inform yourself well before using them if you are trying to get pregnant

Scheduled intercourse is not always pleasant

Before starting the search for a child, we are used to making love when we feel like it. When trying to get pregnant, things can change because a third wheel intervenes: anxiety

Anxiety that you haven’t had enough intercourse, anxiety that you’ve had too many, anxiety that it hasn’t worked out, anxiety that subsequent intercourse may interfere with implantation, and so on.

An advice? Breathe deeply, look for the right rhythms with your partner and confide your discomforts to overcome them together.
You know that you don’t need to have intercourse every day, every other day is more than enough to catch the stork. The fertile days must absolutely not become a period of forced labor otherwise the couple will suffer.

Don’t take it as a heavy commitment but as a time of “fun”, of a new honeymoon and freedom of choice so that neither of you feels “used” to achieve the goal of pregnancy.

If you notice it becoming routine, stop and talk about it openly.

Times can be long

Trying for more months subjects the woman and the couple to an emotional roller coaster.

The month after month wait can become exhausting with repercussions even within the couple where useless mutual blame can begin.

Knowing that it is normal to take 6-8-10 -12 months to have a baby (on average 85% of couples catch the stork within a year of targeted attempts) can help keep anxieties and fears at bay.

It takes patience, don’t expect everything and immediately otherwise the disappointments month after month are amplified and make you experience the search very badly.

I know you often hear:

Certainly these are things that happen but those who take longer and enter or exceed the average do not go to tell, which instead should be done without shame.

Why should we be ashamed if it takes us a year or two to have a baby? It’s not a race and there’s no point in doing it.

What matters is to understand if everything is fine, if you notice that something is wrong with your cycles, please anticipate the checks.

Folic acid and preconception tests are important

Folic acid to reduce the likelihood of fetal neural tube malformations (such as spina bifida) should be taken three months before the start of the research. Preconception exams, as well as assessing the general state of health of the woman (and if desired also of the man) verify whether or not the future mother is immune to certain pathologies which can be very risky during pregnancy and cause malformations or miscarriages.

If you are not immune to rubella it is advisable to get vaccinated before pregnancy and wait for the correct times, once the vaccine has been done, before starting the research. There is no vaccine for toxoplasmosis and therefore it is important to take the right precautions to try to avoid contagion.

Lifestyle change

It is obvious but smoking, caffeine, alcohol are all enemies of fertility as well as a diet rich in refined carbohydrates and trans fats.

The recommended diet? The Mediterranean one, rich in fruit, vegetables and whole grains.

And you?

If you want to add other things you wanted to know before starting the search, put them here in the comments that may help other expectant mothers. Thank you !

Dr Kathryn Barlow

Kathryn Barlow is an OB/GYN doctor, which is the medical specialty that deals with the care of women's reproductive health, including pregnancy and childbirth.

Obstetricians provide care to women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, while gynecologists focus on the health of the female reproductive system, including the ovaries, uterus, vagina, and breasts. OB/GYN doctors are trained to provide medical and surgical care for a wide range of conditions related to women's reproductive health.

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