The amazing uselessness of the male in pregnancy
There you are, lying on the bed, face bewildered, look at the ceiling, satisfied with your love performance, still unaware that you have just started your fatherhood but that, above all, your task is already definitively and inexorably finished.
The first signs you have in front of friends, when together with your she proudly announce the happy event: kisses and hugs for the future mother, then maybe a handshake to you too.
Even the gynecologist puts his own: “Madam, what is your blood type? And her husband’s?” And you are there, 30 cm from them and you feel as big as a Smurf, lost on a gigantic chair with your hand raised and your voice feeble: “Hey, I’m here!”. You just have to do one thing: listen to your child’s heartbeat during the first ultrasound and let yourself be overwhelmed by an embarrassing and incessant hysterical laughter mixed with tears: the professional gynecologist will finally notice you, I guarantee.
However, it is not advisable to continue for the next nine months with repeated schizophrenic attacks to attract attention, resigned to your secondary role when the belly begins to rise and like a splendid sunny ball on the horizon will lengthen the shadows on you but will multiply the attentions and looks towards the mommy.
Wait, reason because you will soon realize that your ephemeral moment of glory is just around the corner, just that corner of the corridor next to which your wife is sitting, in front of the delivery room.
Attentive, she arrives, she looks at you and with amazed eyes tells you that the waters have broken and you block her with one hand, you stand up in all your meter and 75, chest out, sun in the eyes, wind in the hair, stop the first doctor who passes you within range and say the fateful sentence: “My wife broke the waters!”
Motionless as a statue, the frenzy of the nurse to rescue your woman will touch you at the speed of an F35 in absolute indifference broken only by a: “We call her in later” and you are alone. Until they invite you to join your sweetheart who welcomes you saying: “Don’t be afraid”. And you, brave: “Scare me? Why should I spav… God! Is that blood?!” Then they place you behind her and as she begins to push you find a tone and invent new Mourinho on the edge of the field with well-targeted incitements.
You even perform a: “Come on, you can see your head!” when even today you can’t understand what you actually saw. Then he is born, resting on his mother’s belly he looks at you with one eye open and one closed, you observe him and you can’t help but notice an incredible resemblance to the master Yoda of Star Wars.
Later, while she is resting, they will take him to your room, you will jump up, take him in your arms and you will feel like the most indispensable person in the world because it is also thanks to you that the miracle you are holding in your hands has come true and he is making you understand by holding you for the first time, sure and full of confidence, your finger in his tiny little hand.
Kathryn Barlow is an OB/GYN doctor, which is the medical specialty that deals with the care of women's reproductive health, including pregnancy and childbirth.
Obstetricians provide care to women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, while gynecologists focus on the health of the female reproductive system, including the ovaries, uterus, vagina, and breasts. OB/GYN doctors are trained to provide medical and surgical care for a wide range of conditions related to women's reproductive health.