Shaken Baby Syndrome: Let’s not leave parents alone

“I think I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression in the eyes of a small child when he wakes up in the morning and hums or laughs because he sees the sun shining on his crib.”

 These, without too many words, are shivering numbers: in the USA 30 children for every 10,000 born a year suffer significant damage caused by a terrible and little-known form of abuse in Italy called Shaken Baby Syndrome (or Shaken Baby Syndrome ) associated with the consequences, even fatal, of a violent shaking against the newborn. Shaken Child Syndrome or Abusive Head Trauma is a form of physical abuse in which the child, usually under 2 years of age, is violently shaken by imparting acceleration, deceleration and rotation forces to the head and other body structures, causing serious injuries.

The force of shaking the baby can cause important neurological and physical damage which in extreme cases can be lethal. Motor and language deficits for the little ones, and damages that depend on the areas affected with important cognitive deficits that can lead to learning disabilities in school age.

Never shake your baby

Isabella Berlinguero, psychologist and psychotherapist, maintains that: “ The action of shaking a child can determine important serious outcomes even on a psychological level . Were found in these small language, learning, memory and behavioral disorders ”. The very serious action of shaking a newborn baby to stop crying if it may seem that it actually stops the baby, is a real abuse that only frightens him for no reason.

Terre del Hommes , which since 1960 has had as its objective “immediate and direct help for children” has decided to bring to the attention of new parents and those who take care of children the existence of this form of abuse and the consequences associated with it. to it with the first national campaign for the prevention of Shaken Baby Syndrome “Don’t Shake It!” whose face is Alessandro Preziosi.

Becoming parents is a radical change, which, however strongly desired, even before the couple, puts a strain on individuals.

Despite the immense happiness that the birth of the first child entails, the moment of transition to parenthood is not painless: it involves the individual even before the couple in intrapsychic processes of integration and remodeling of identity, of redefining themselves as children, questioning balances established for a lifetime. Suddenly one realizes that even one’s basic needs, including that of resting, for example, relentlessly fade into the background: the newborn needs care, attention, self-sacrifice and total dedication. Smile, warmth, optimism, comfort, protection: it requires the best of us, but despite the efforts, sometimes we collide with the human limits of physical resistance.

The weight of perfect parenting

Sleepless nights that follow, hours of inconsolable crying, problems with breastfeeding , the partner’s return to work, household chores that need to be sorted out in some way, whole days spent in solitude .

In this regard, Bowly, a British psychologist and psychoanalyst, wrote: “ Taking care of babies and children is not a job for a single person . If the job is to be done well and if the primary caregiver is not to be too exhausted, the caregiver must also receive a lot of assistance. Several people will be able to offer this help: usually it is the other parent; in many societies, including ours, help comes from a grandmother. In most societies around the world these facts are taken for granted and society has organized itself accordingly. Paradoxically, it has taken the world’s wealthiest companies to ignore these fundamental facts.

In fact, society seems to close its eyes to these states of mind linked to such an important and delicate transition phase in life , because motherhood must rhyme with happiness, full stop. A happiness told as without nuances and without contradictions, more unreal and glossy than an advertising spot. A parenting model that is not only absolutely unattainable but harmful for the feelings of guilt and inadequacy it causes.

Often, indeed, when you try to mention the difficulties, you are dismissed with a good-natured smile: “You’ll see what happens” or worse still with some insinuation that is very reminiscent of the old adage: “Did you want a bicycle?”. In fact, the new parents pedal, but very often, unfortunately, they face long journeys alone.

Finally, tiredness does not help and accumulates: numerous studies , among other things, show that sleep deprivation is among the first causes of maternal depression.

Very often new parents are not at all prepared for all of this: the preparatory courses themselves probably do not treat these issues sufficiently or with due candor, the couple’s families of origin cannot or are not able to provide sufficient emotional and practical support and mom and dad returning from the hospital, without an adequate support network , are at the mercy of themselves. It’s not about turning off the enthusiasm of a new adventure, it’s about preparing new parents on several fronts, so that they find themselves less disoriented in the face of difficulties.

In this regard, says Alessandra Kustermann , director of SVSeD, Ospedale Maggiore Policlinico of Milan “ Educating new parents on correct behavior is difficult due to the isolation in which they live their first parenting experiences . I think this campaign has the merit of alerting fathers and mothers to the trivial fact that shaking a baby to stop its crying can have devastating consequences. They must understand that there are more effective techniques to calm him down and above all that they can ask for help if they can’t do it”. 

The importance of asking for help

Sometimes it’s just asking for help the biggest obstacle. Parents may not realize when fatigue crosses the threshold. At that point we need to slow down, we need to learn to delegate to trusted people.

It is neither trivial nor selfish to go out for an hour to get some fresh air, occasionally treat yourself to dinner for two, have a chat with friends, relax on the sofa with a book. Because nothing is more true than to raise serene and balanced children, it is necessary to be serene people in turn.

Maria Grazia Foschino , psychologist of GIADA – Interdisciplinary Assistance Group for Abused Women and Children of Bari continues : “ Raising the awareness of those who take care of children every day represents the most important strategy for promoting the psychophysical health of children. In particular, the tools we have used in this campaign are effective primary prevention measures for reducing the incidence of SBS risks, since they use correct, simple, clear, credible, positive messages with a strong emotional impact .In our experience we have been able to verify how much correct information promotes complex changes in the beliefs underlying the dangerous conduct of caregivers. However, for those in particularly vulnerable conditions we use specific psychological support protocols to encourage positive parenting”.

Inform, prevent, support parents.

Let us not leave them alone in the face of a weariness that becomes so strong as to cloud the mind and cause them to lose lucidity and control to such an extent as to put the safety of children at risk.

Let’s try to listen to new mothers , whatever role they play in our lives: friends, daughters, relatives. Let’s not stop in front of the usual circumstantial “It’s all right”; we run the risk of being “intrusive”. We offer our concrete help instead of unsolicited advice, it doesn’t take much: go to the dry cleaners or the supermarket for them, offer to go out for a walk together, run a few small errands. Presence matters more than yet another useless gift to the child.

We remind them that everything passes: not feeling alone serves instead to reduce problems, to make them seem more manageable.

Fatigue is transient, crying calms down. Instead, those eyes that light up when they see the morning sun remain. Those eyes must be defended like few other things in the world.