Perinatal mourning: dealing with it with the EMDR technique
The loss of an expected and desired child during pregnancy, at birth or immediately after is a dramatic and traumatic event.
The emotional impact, especially in the case of a miscarriage , is often downplayed by our society.
The lack of cultural recognition of prenatal and perinatal mourning therefore very often leaves a pain that remains unheard of. The couple tends to isolate themselves and close themselves off, unable to externalize and process this painful and complex emotional experience. Even within the couple, sometimes, a fracture is created, due to which, sharing or talking about what happened becomes impossible. Impossible is to understand and take care of the other when you are completely immersed in your own suffering.
Society, friends and relatives are unable to speak or deal with such great pain and therefore prefer to pretend that nothing has happened, as if not seeing could make one forget. We just have to move forward. This type of reaction makes people feel even more isolated who think they can’t even afford to experience this suffering and to feel this lack.
The loss of a child, regardless of the way and moment of the journey in which the loss occurred, represents an extremely painful and traumatic mourning experience.
The support
It is therefore essential to provide emotional, empathetic and effective support that allows the painful experience to be integrated into one’s own experience in an adaptive way and which allows the recovery of a new and vital psychological balance. It is necessary to have the opportunity to tell, to share, to receive support, to find the words to support, live and go through the loss of a much loved child.
In this sense, in addition to support groups, a psychotherapeutic treatment that includes the application of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) can be very effective.
This technique allows you to work on the traumatic aspects of the mourning experience by promoting the elaboration of pain, integrating it into one’s own experience in order to find a new meaning and a new personal balance.
Processing the experience means precisely not forgetting what happened, suffering is not eliminated, but one can work on the irrational experiences of guilt, incapacity, anxiety and fear. It is possible to take care of this suffering with all the tenderness and love towards that much dreamed and desired child.
Kathryn Barlow is an OB/GYN doctor, which is the medical specialty that deals with the care of women's reproductive health, including pregnancy and childbirth.
Obstetricians provide care to women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, while gynecologists focus on the health of the female reproductive system, including the ovaries, uterus, vagina, and breasts. OB/GYN doctors are trained to provide medical and surgical care for a wide range of conditions related to women's reproductive health.