Living in an extended family: finding balance
Nowadays there are many new families, or extended families, who have found and achieved a good balance and live peacefully the various relationships that exist between them.
Unfortunately, it is not easy for everyone, both emotionally and on a practical and organizational level, to achieve serenity and manage commitments and unexpected events.
When a new partner or a new partner becomes part of the family life of a separated parent with one or more children, where a new family balance had recently been re-established, due to the separation of the parents, it is not always easy to start being part of it without feeling like an intruder.
Becoming part of a new family
Becoming part of a new family means working on a personal restructuring and a family reorganization from a practical, emotional and psychological point of view. The balances that were created, the habits and ways of relating and confronting each other inevitably enter into comparison with other balances, routines and above all with already formed personalities.
At first the impact with a new family will seem and may be hard, but if there are strong feelings and the desire to really build a new nucleus, it will be possible to find the right compromise on family sharing.
The relationship with each other’s children
Sometimes, it can happen that the parent involved in a new relationship invests the maximum in the relationship trying to avoid the “mistakes” made in the previous one, neglecting the feelings of the children and what they experienced with the separation. Children, usually after their parents’ separation, become a little more wary of those who want to give them love and affection. That’s not to say that once they get in touch with the new family member, they aren’t able to bond and establish a good rapport. Children often see their father’s or mother’s new partner or companion as a betrayal of the other parent and they will need time and not to feel like anyone’s “problem” trying to respect their times and spaces.
Basically if there is a good relationship between separated parents , created on respect and the good of the children , it will certainly be easier to immediately create a good bond between the new member of the family and the children.
The adult who enters the new family should find a well-defined role for himself, without keeping too much aloof and out of situations but not even thinking of replacing the “missing” parent or even creating a friendship with the children. Surely the keywords for establishing a relationship with the children of the new partner will be empathy, patience and good communication and de-dramatization skills . Often the role of the new member of the family becomes very important as for children and teenagers this new person becomes an added value, an adult with whom, not having a biological bond, one can confront, discuss and quarrel without going to invading the emotional sphere too much.
These relationships that are created are often very solid and when they are so they also facilitate the life of both separated parents, as they become a person with whom the children are happy to stay and who are able to take care of them in the absence of their parents, who can happen for an unexpected, for work and for some moments of family routine.
It should be remembered that Families, with a capital F, whether they are new or enlarged, built by a single adult with one or more children or the classic nuclear family, are only those where relations within the house are excellent between everyone, despite very different ages even among the new siblings, where at home you feel you belong, and where love and respect go hand in hand with daily life.
Kathryn Barlow is an OB/GYN doctor, which is the medical specialty that deals with the care of women's reproductive health, including pregnancy and childbirth.
Obstetricians provide care to women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, while gynecologists focus on the health of the female reproductive system, including the ovaries, uterus, vagina, and breasts. OB/GYN doctors are trained to provide medical and surgical care for a wide range of conditions related to women's reproductive health.