I’m sorry, but you can’t come and see our baby right now

I am posting the testimony of a new mother who represents that of many women who have become mothers in this era of pandemic. It is the story of the choice not to receive visitors at least until the situation improves.

It was a surreal pregnancy, 9 months where smiles, trepidations, fears, joys at ultrasounds have always been hidden behind a mask. I did my first ultrasound alone, dad couldn’t come in, he had been in contact with a positive and isolated himself. I was so agitated that during the visit I didn’t even ask if I could film it for my partner to see, and so those moments remained mine alone.

I struggled a lot to live the first few months peacefully, normal in a non-pandemic era, let alone with the shadow of the virus behind the door, behind every encounter, behind every hug not given.

It was a pregnancy where the words loneliness and distance were the common thread.   Even during the quietest moment, the one after the lockdown , we continued to avoid crowded places, avoided having that party we wanted to have with close friends, to reveal the sex of our baby   in a slightly kitsch way.

It’s true, we probably lived everything in a more intimate way, but boy did I miss sharing, and those hugs I imagined after discovering the pink or blue ribbon!

Then comes October, when you have to give birth to your son and he comes back, meaner than before. I was terrified of giving birth by myself. Fortunately, in my hospital it has always been possible to give birth in the presence of fathers, which in any case should be guaranteed by the recommendations of the Istituto Superiore di Sanità .

At the same time there was another thing that worried me. And not a little.

It wasn’t the idea that I wasn’t going to sleep well for weeks, it wasn’t the lack of sleep, tiredness, breastfeeding or the general change that comes with having a baby in a relationship.

We didn’t know how we were going to handle our family members, and all those enthusiastic friends who had been waiting for our first baby for a long time.

They are doubts that under normal conditions do not exist. I imagined in my “ideal pregnancy story” that many would come to see me in the hospital, to have my bed surrounded by friends and relatives who congratulated us (but above all with me of course, allow me a moment of fame!). Everyone who had adored the baby from the glass of the nest and was already making assumptions about who he looked more like.

And then messages, video calls, friends who ask you, when can we come and see you?

Under normal conditions we would have said to wait maybe the first two weeks, the time to recover, and then we would have opened the doors of the house. They’d bring presents, pick up the baby, maybe get spit-up on their new sweater, and we’d all have a big laugh at the end.

Can we do the same now?

Unfortunately not. COVID19 has created barriers and distances.

What can we tell them without hurting them? This is the formula we used:

We would love for you to meet our baby, but at this time, our doctor is not recommending visitors due to the high risk of contracting the virus. We hope that the situation changes soon so that you can visit us and be part of the life of our little creature.

Most people will understand. You’ll see each other with video calls, maybe they’ll leave you a hot meal in front of your door

For all those who understood the situation, a big heartfelt and sincere THANK YOU . You have no idea how much we appreciate knowing that we are not letting you down.

We’re sorry, we know how important it is for you to be a part of our baby’s life, we really do, and we feel bad about making someone angry for trying to keep our baby safe by following our recommendations. doctor and common sense in a really complicated situation.

Our choice is also based on the evidence that newborns are not exempt from contagion, cases of family infections and hospitalizations of the little ones are being recorded.

For those who don’t understand, when it’s their turn to have a baby we wish that:

• you never have to face the compromises that we are now forced to.
• may you have someone to accompany you and assist in visits
• may you celebrate the arrival of the baby
• you can go out among people without fear of getting sick
• May your pregnancy experience be as pleasant and peaceful as it should be.

Thanks to all those who have been close to us and have welcomed our choices with empathy and understanding.