Conception

How to maintain sexual desire when looking for a child?

Doctor, my partner and I are trying to get pregnant, but when I’m in my fertile periods he doesn’t cooperate. How can I convince him to have intercourse more willingly in those moments when I’m fertile?

This question is often asked by women who complain about the difficulty of convincing their partners to have sexual intercourse during the periods in which they are fertile, but, for different reasons, it is a difficulty that is neither male nor female. The fact that the question emerges more in the female audience is a question that can be explained partly by differences due to the role of the partners, partly by a cultural issue.

So to understand how to convince the partner to have intercourse during the fertile periods, perhaps it is useful to understand why there is a need to convince him to do something that, in other occasions, does not require a work of convincing.

Sex is not a mechanical event; the body responds by becoming aroused when prompted by sexually desirable thoughts and the idea of ​​having sexual intercourse “only” to procreate is not equally exciting for every person . This is a thought that does not have a gender connotation, while the fact that, in general, sometimes it happens that women give less importance than men to their excitement and that they experience sexuality for reasons other than pleasure does have a cultural connotation. In fact , culturally there is a tendency to value male sexual arousal more than female sexual arousal as if they had a different weight in promoting sexual well-being,but is not so. Sexual arousal is a fundamental moment in the onset of sexuality and it is equally so for both genders.

This cultural stereotype (which, as a stereotype, does not apply to everyone) is partly favored by the mechanical difference observable in the difficulty of having sexual intercourse with a non-excited man and the lesser difficulty that arises in the case in which it is the woman who be less excited. To date, fortunately, sex is no longer considered just something that has to work, but it is also considered a moment of well-being and sharing .

So the initial question, how to get your partner to have sex when you’re fertile, needs to be answered by asking, “How do I get myself to have sex when I’m fertile?” “What turns me on when we have intercourse in times of fertility?” “If I don’t do it but still manage to have intercourse, how can I experience sexuality without sexual desire?” And, if I succeed, “Am I asking him the same thing I’m asking myself?” “If he can’t do what I do, how can I help him?”

Therefore, in order to answer the initial question and to build greater collaboration with your partner, it is important that you place yourself in the perspective of actively and truly collaborating with the person with whom you wish to have a child, taking an interest in their motivations, thoughts and emotions. towards the moment you are going to share . In the case in which, however, exclusively a sexual performance is requested, perhaps it is not the case to speak of collaboration but rather of the use of the body of others which, regardless of the object, is a perspective that can leave little room for feeling and which, perhaps, it is not the most farsighted with which to lay the foundations for a family.

Have a dialogue and possibly try to build moments of play and fantasy that combine the contingency of the moment favorable to sharing pleasure in accordance with your desire.

Dr Kathryn Barlow

Kathryn Barlow is an OB/GYN doctor, which is the medical specialty that deals with the care of women's reproductive health, including pregnancy and childbirth.

Obstetricians provide care to women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, while gynecologists focus on the health of the female reproductive system, including the ovaries, uterus, vagina, and breasts. OB/GYN doctors are trained to provide medical and surgical care for a wide range of conditions related to women's reproductive health.

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