Am I ready for another child?

Am I ready for another child? How many new mothers who have just left the delivery room exclaim: “NEVER AGAIN?”

To then after a few months (if not weeks), experience the nostalgia of the baby bump on your own skin and in a truly disruptive way!

When did we feel ready for a second, or third, or fourth child? Each will have different answers and in fact it is not possible to give a single answer.

In fact, no one can answer this question except the woman (and the couple) herself. Asking yourself if you are ready for another child implies a very long series of other considerations that cannot be underestimated and which range from family organization, from the economic question to the biology of the woman herself.

For some, deciding to have a second child is even more difficult than deciding to have the first, because we’re not just talking about having a baby, we’re thinking about changing (again) a family dynamic that may have just stabilized.

Are we ready for another child? Let’s ask ourselves if…

When the thought of further expanding the family arises in the couple, even if your heart tells you to try it right away, it is important to make some considerations.

It may seem unromantic to you but you have to ask yourself how the new baby will affect your lifestyle, the family economy, work, relationships and, of course, the other children you have.

When is the best time to have another baby?

Some couples prefer to wait several years in order to be able to give more attention to their child who, once he grows up, will be able to understand what the arrival of a little brother or sister means.

Other parents instead choose to have children close in age so that they can play together.

What do the experts say about the time to wait between one child and another?

From the point of view of the reactions of the little brothers, Jeannie S. Kidwell suggests in her studies that the best time to have another child is when the first one is less than a year old or more than 4 years old.

Babies who are less than one year old do not yet have an awareness of their exclusive status, so they are less likely to resent a newcomer. Children aged 4 and older have already had a lot of exclusive attention from mum and dad, and by this age they are getting involved in activities of their own.

From the point of view of the mother’s health, the situation changes completely.

In its guidelines, the WHO indicates 18 months as the minimum time that must elapse between one pregnancy and the next.

If the new pregnancy begins within 12 months of delivery, the available studies suggest that there may be an increased risk of complications such as placental abruption or, if you have previously had a cesarean delivery, placenta previa.

It is not known for certain why waiting a few months between a full-term pregnancy and the new one can lead to risks even if researchers hypothesize that:

• the mother’s body needs time to replenish vitamins and nutrients before embarking on a new pregnancy. So, if you are pregnant, or planning to become pregnant, consult your doctor for advice on how to reduce your risk.

On the other hand, even waiting too long between pregnancies does not seem to be ideal. In fact, waiting more than 5 years would increase the risk of:

• having a baby with low birth weight,
• incurring premature birth
• develop preeclampsia

A very recent study published in Jama  on October 29, 2018, considered 150,000 births in Canada, indicated 12-18 months as the ideal ideal interval between one pregnancy and another.

The study states that getting pregnant less than 12 months after the previous pregnancy is risky regardless of the woman’s age, while these risks decrease if you wait between 12 and 18 months.

What should we ultimately consider?

Once you have discussed any risks to the health of the woman and baby with your doctor, here is a list of additional considerations you can consider before making your decision:

1.  Lifestyle : do you have a stable family routine? Do you have someone watching your child when you are at work? Does the child (or children) finally sleep through the night? Have you finally found the time to dedicate to the couple? Are you ready to turn everything upside down again? Consider whether you have the time and energy for another child and whether the child or children you already have are ready to deal with having another child in the house.
2. The economic situation of the family : Money is not everything, but it certainly helps when raising a family. According to the Federconsumatori National Observatory,  a child in its first year of life costs from 7,123.01 euros to 15,348.93 euros (data for 2018). These are the costs for raising a child until they come of age (data from 2011 from the  Federconsumatori National Observatory).Unfortunately, many women find it more difficult to maintain full-time or part-time work with the arrival of their second or third child.
3. Age : unfortunately the decision to have another child cannot be postponed for long because age, especially of women, sets very specific limits. If a woman is 38 and wants two more children, she probably can’t afford to wait 3 years between children because her fertility drops dramatically over time. When, on the other hand, you are under 30, you can afford to make longer-term plans on the subject of pregnancy. without forgetting that a woman’s fertility begins to decline after the age of 36.
4. The couple: do you agree with this choice? Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn’t. It’s hard to always be in sync. In these cases the solution is dialogue, talk about your perplexities or fears calmly.
5. The heart : very difficult to be rational in this choice, despite a list of pros and cons, the heart plays a fundamental part. If you want another child, and your partner feels ready too… you just have to try!