3 tips for relating to grandparents
Grandparents are a resource and an incredible asset for a family, obviously if the relationship is good and well established. This is not always the case, unfortunately. If the relationship with grandparents has been good since before the birth of the child, it is important to make it grow even more.
So here we are to explore four situations that can create some friction and how best to resolve them.
When you live with your grandparents
If you live with one or more grandparents, it is probable that their help in caring for the child is daily . Grandparents were parents and therefore it is almost instinctive for them to behave a little like a parent also towards their grandchild, seeing him every day.
Obviously they were parents a generation earlier and therefore their methods and settings may be different from what we want to do. Or they could replace the parents too much by taking care of the little one’s education more than necessary.
In this situation it is necessary to understand that the people our child will have to deal with will be different and this diversity can also be learned from grandparents. It is therefore useless to wage war on small differences and concessions that grandparents make and to accept them as an asset.
Arguments often break out over small things (such as the amount of food put on the plate) because they are interpreted as interference from our way of educating and raising.
It is essential to understand which things are important and which are not. For the important ones you simply have to talk about it. Your parents raised you well so ask your grandparents to trust you on the cornerstones you have chosen for your education even if they are different from theirs. And to adapt even if it is hard for them to change their habits or opinions.
Conversely, if grandparents are not a daily presence, let the moments with the grandchildren transgress the general rules you have chosen, always within the limits of respect and safety.
Treats and concessions
Most grandparents please their grandchildren with concessions such as mouth-watering but unhealthy food , extra hours of electronic games and TV, and other transgressions of “strict” parental rules.
As long as these things don’t really interfere with your child’s education and health, there is nothing to do.
If, on the other hand, they are repeated frequently because the child spends a lot of time at the grandparents’ house , then it is no longer a sweet concession, but will become a habit that the child will then want to keep at home too. And with it come unbearable tantrums. And you will pass the blame on the grandparents by arguing with them too.
Calm and rules for all. In these cases it is important to explain to the grandparents what happens after the child has returned home and then ask them to limit the concessions and choose a line of general rules which will not be perfectly the same at the grandparents’ house and at home, but at least not too conflicting .
Sometimes grandparents also concede because they don’t have the same energy as you to keep a child busy or resist his insistence. Taking care of a child is tiring, you know it too. Try to understand if this is the situation and try to lighten the load for them.
Strategy: film a whim of the terrible ones, all the children have it, and show it to the grandparents so that they understand how the grandchild is not always cheerful and playful as they see him.
Don’t forget : the little one must not see it or be used by grandparents as a weapon of blackmail: “I saw the tantrums you threw so no ice cream today”. Don’t send it via Whatsapp or other chat: show it only from your phone and then delete it !
A video is only used to understand how a whole day of a child works by all those who look after him so that every moment is also a function of “who comes next”.
military discipline
Not all grandparents are sweet, cuddly and ready to spoil their grandchildren. In some cases they are more strict and militaristic than you . Sometimes too militaristic even more severe than when they educated yourselves.
It happens that they can unload on their grandchildren that discipline that they would have demanded from you but which they have not been able to apply.
This situation tends to create a refusal on the part of the child to spend time with his grandparents because they perceive it as a “worse” time than spending time at home.
For you it becomes a big problem having the need to entrust it to him: there is nothing worse than a child who does not want to be in one place and with certain people . You could experiment with it with kindergarten for example.
Finding a solution isn’t easy: becoming more server when you used to give everything is much easier than becoming sweet and loving when you’re used to rigid and uncompromising behavior.
Talking about it obviously doesn’t hurt and you can use some cunning. For example, take a series of games from the grandparents that the child really likes and leave them there so that they are an element of desire for the child and also a way to spend time independently without requiring the continuous attention of a grandparent.
Food is another of the problems : grandparents who don’t tolerate anything left on the plate and often plates that are too full which in any case would not be finished ( eat, you have to grow up! ).
The strategy is simple: ask your grandparents to put what you haven’t eaten in a box because you will take it home and it will be eaten in the evening so as not to throw anything away. Then you will do with it what you deem most appropriate.
Grandparents are grandparents: they are not the parents of the little one and they are no longer even the parents you knew. They are, in fact, the grandparents. Take advantage of this opportunity.
Kathryn Barlow is an OB/GYN doctor, which is the medical specialty that deals with the care of women's reproductive health, including pregnancy and childbirth.
Obstetricians provide care to women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, while gynecologists focus on the health of the female reproductive system, including the ovaries, uterus, vagina, and breasts. OB/GYN doctors are trained to provide medical and surgical care for a wide range of conditions related to women's reproductive health.